The Daily Tramble

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yahoo news… the best kind of news.

hey there friends and neighbors!

ok. so. i just got back from a long friggin vacation in ocean city, maryland. for those of you unfamiliar with ocean city, it’s basically a public toilet with some sand, a few shitting seagulls, and a whole lotta rednecks. if you haven’t been, i do suggest trying it out. though, in my opinion, going more than once in your life is overkill….so of course my family has to go every year.

while it was actually pretty restful and relaxing, i was super glad to be back… until i got to work. and then i remembered why i needed to go away in the first place. you just can’t win i guess.

 anywho i’m glad to be getting back to the blog which suffered a week-long vacation too, only JUST after it had started. my bad! 

but ok. onto an exciting new topic! 

instead of freaking out like everyone else on planet earth about casey anthony, the mother who killed her daughter (…and let’s be serious… she obviously did it. the only other thing i really want to find out now is what kind of crack the jurors were smoking…) i’ve decided to instead focus my attention on a topic that doesn’t in any way have to do with chloroform and duct tape.

i want to comment instead on two pieces of news that yahoo decided to post on their homepage today. one of the stories because i was so thrilled about it and the other because i can’t seem to figure why it is anyone’s business. 

the first story: a pennsylvania restaurant puts a ban on children under the age of 6. 

when i saw the headline, i figured it was too good to be true and that yahoo had perhaps crafted some clever title to get tommy’s attention only to subsequently let him down. but when i opened it up to read, i was pleasantly surprised.

it seems awesome to me and i just had to say something about it, due to my general dislike for children… under, including, and beyond the age of 6. i mean, let’s face it: while its probably not the most clever business move ever, i would so eat at this place. a restaurant free of children is where i want to be. i cannot tell you how many times i get stuck at a table next to screaming, kicking, crying children and i want to turn around and scream back at them, seeing how they like it. now if we could just get most other restaurants, as well as theatrical performances, to observe a similar ban, my world would be a better place. 

the second story: michelle obama eats a 1700 calorie lunch. 

um… who the hell cares?

like i get it, michelle is an advocate for childrens health and going to a burger joint for a lunch that most likely exceeds her suggested daily caloric intake may not be the smartest move. but seriously, get the hell out of her life! lol that is so disgustingly nosey, in my opinion, and i frankly wonder why there arent more important things to report about.

like, maybe the first lady was just having a bad day or something! …..or maybe she eats like a total pig every day (though probably not, based on her appearance)…. the point is, it’s nobody’s business but hers! what she does regarding childrens health is really important and helpful regardless and i think it’s simply moronic to spy on her and criticize her for being human. friggin yahoo.

michelle, honey, next time order in or make someone from the white house staff go get it for you.

so thats about all for today. time for rehearsal… for this musical. 

talk at you later, creepers.

-tommy

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so… why is this happening, again…?

hey people. ok. so i’ve decided to officially open this blog up with a segment i will be calling “why is this happening, again?” because it seems that there are just too many incomprehensible absurdities in this world for me not to say something about them… and in turn make at least half of the people reading this post feel bad about themselves for supporting such bull-malarkey. sound fun? let’s begin.

america seems to have a sick and twisted new obsession with making seemingly unimportant people famous for no good reason. seriously- why is this happening, again? now, we’ve clearly been doing it for quite some time, seeing as how paris hilton is a celebrity (…still wtf-ing that one…), but it would appear that it’s been a bit excessive of late and i’m wondering why.

let’s review two recent offenses:

1. rebecca black:
ok… now i’m only going to ask this once…..

what the actual fuck?

i know it’s kinda old news, but i can’t get over her and i’m still attempting to understand. some girl gets her parents to pay for a music video shoot and  the help of a clearly unsuccessful rapper (the one who appears in her video and apparently wrote that hot mess of a song) and she’s famous overnight!?

let’s reevaluate, shall we:

a. she’s in no way talented.

and…

um yeah.

that’s pretty much all you need to remember.

she obviously can’t dance, she apparently can’t change the tone of her voice, and twelve year olds can’t drive. like, i’m sorry but i refuse to willingly suspend my disbelief for a poorly executed music video that features a lead singer who sounds like a pitchy robot and a keg party for middle schoolers.

i wouldn’t even be bringing this winner up actually, except now she’s in katy perry’s new video, which only adds to my confusion. when did this sort of thing become ok? …and to avoid implying that i’d ever choose to endorse katy perry or the drastically auto-tuned crap she calls her music, i’ll just stop here.

alright. our second, more recent, and slightly more puzzling faux-lebrity:

2. pippa middleton:
……..america…..really….? really now? you don’t get much more worthless than pippa middleton. seriously, what is everyone’s weirdo fascination with her? i get that she dresses nicely. i really do. but aside from that, what is the appeal? i mean, she’s not particularly beautiful and obviously not an entertaining personality (i know because she’s british), so what are we fixating on here? possibly most obnoxious is that she’s all over the tabloids and rag-mags and i’m kind of sick of seeing her everywhere i go. like, for real, i don’t give a flying piece of pig shit what pippa wore to wimbledon.

why does no one else question her relevance!?

at least shes smart and milking the fame while she can. though i must say- “dating prince harry”, my ass. don’t be an attention whore, pippa. it’s not a flattering color on you… though most others apparently are, according to our friends at people magazine…

and so i conclude, shaking my head at yet another conundrum presented to me by the screwed up world i live in.

have a lovely day, creepster mccreepytown.

-tommy

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my (third) first post ever!

hello america.

by “america” i am, of course, referring to the three or less people who will ever read this to completion.

ok, basically i wanted to push the figurative restart button on my blog… and update more than an approximate two times a year… so this is it. seriously, people. if i can’t do it after this attempt, may the tumblr gods banish me from their land forever.

anyway, the name of this new sassybitchfest is “the daily tramble”. ok, before you get your britches in a twist, i want you to be aware that i know tramble is not really a word. so don’t try and get cute with me. you’d receive a subsequent slap across the face, and while you’d probably enjoy it, you pervert, i tend to find that kind of behavior a bit tasteless… no matter how necessary. but yes, if you wish to see a working definition, look up and to the right. and if you don’t agree with this definition, then i guess i’ll just have to bite you.

i suppose i just wanted a cute tranny mess of a name like so many others on tumblr. i mean, everything with “sassy” is already taken and “the blog where tommy complains all day about stupid shit he witnesses and occasionally posts/comments on humorous .gif images” seemed a bit convoluted. so this is it. this is the name. deal with it, ugly.

alright. i will be posting my first actual topic soon, once i find something appropriate enough to bitch about. so you can stop creeping on my blog now. for reals, if you’ve made it this far you obviously a. are completely in love with me, or b. say you hate me but are actually completely in love with me. so, gross. go away… just kidding. but not. but yes. but never. but actually.

-tommy